Badtz Maru at 19

Badtz Maru rocks.

He's one of few Sanrio characters that rate a mouth. He has a serious attitude and likes to make fun of silly things. He has big bad coyote medicine.

Of all the characters, his illustrations tend towards more complicated, kaleidoscopic, "trippy" colors and shapes. Not the smooth lines and solid kindergarten colors. He is perpetually displaced -- living in his imagination. He's a penguin and he was born in &^%&@! Oahu. Can't get more displaced than that.

Badtz will turn eight years old on April 1^st, 2001. You can guarantee, though, that by the time he is fifteen, he will have shaved his feathers off leaving a dyed-green mohawk stripe down his back, pierced his beak and nipples (after having a couple of Hello's generous supply grafted on -- penguins don't normally have nipples), and etched himself heavily with gilded tribal designs down at his mother's tattoo/massage parlor in "uptown" Gorgeoustown.

When he's nineteen, though, he'll will miraculously survive a heroin/PCP/GHB-cocktail-induced motorcycle wreck that kills his biker-bitch, Pandaba. In a paranoiac panic to which only continuous meth users may aspire, he and long-time Kato-Kaelin-esque buddy Hana Maru will amusingly attempt to hide her body in a supply closet in one of Badtz's father's many underground casinos -- at the bottom of a cart filled with a humongous pile of scuffed and de-circulated 5000-yen chips.

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